Sadness
Mood:  down
I haven't written in awhile because everything I thought to write is too depressing even to me. Although I am still going to write about it now, I have a little distance so hopefully you will all not be too depressed by it. I promise to add some fiber content soon.

The funeral for my friends family was yesterday. It was one of the hardest and saddest days I can remember. When you enter a church and right away see 3 coffins it has to be hard. One was draped with an American flag, the second had flowers and cat tails with a fishing creel and a fly rod and the third flowers with a cowboy hat, rope and horseshoe. All fitting to men that they were.

The service was packed. Over 80 Navy men and women from Ben's squadron attended. They came from all continents except Antarctica. The service was 3 hours long and then we headed to the small cemetery where they were buried. They pulled the coffins on a horse drawn cart. Then 3 F-18's performed the missing man formation. The service continued with an honor guard from the Air Force who did a firing of guns salute, I don't know what that is called but when the guns fired it was so final and jarring to me. Then the folded up the flag from the coffin and presented to Gerry. Then Taps was played and a Bagpiper played Amazing Grace and he walked off into the sunset. It was quite touching. When they were doing the gun salute and the folding of the flag I felt like every mother who ever had a son
who died.

I thought the tears were finished then but I was wrong. One of the most touching events for me to was to watch all the Navy people walk up to Ben's coffin and salute it and then touch the coffin in a goodbye gesture. After awhile I could no longer watch it. We then went and had a meal. We did not get home until 8 pm. It was a long day.

Gerry seemed fine throughout the funeral but I wonder how she really is. To see the strength of the 3 surviving women was incredible. I don't know if I could have done it. I can't remember if I mentioned that Gerry is part of our weekly womens group. Our group plans to meet next Monday. If Gerry feels up to it she will come. If not we will all share our own stories and feelings. I think after such loss to have a continuity of any kind has to help.

Today I still feel the sadness of the event. Its almost like I am channeling her grief. I had a hard day with it. Last night I dreamed of the two boys and could not sleep at all.

I met with my friend Ginger this afternoon and we talked about it all. It was a cleansing of sorts to share the feelings we both felt. She pointed out about the connection we all feel. When we talk about this to people in our town who did not know the family at all, they still feel the connection to a family they don't know and feel the sadness of it all. It is like anyone who hears about this tragedy is somehow affected by it.

It was also touching to see a room full of men so touched by emotion and loss. Its so rare in our culture.